Four the Love of God

Today, I learned another something about myself.

Life is a progressive learning experience for me- there is no "going through the motions." I don't think I can possibly be any more emotionally attached to the stuff that fills "life" than I already am. But these things, I already know.
I also already know that I cannot take criticism well.
I know that I am capable of crying over almost everything. I cry.
I know that I could feel a ball of frustration rise up in me (PRIDE!) when I admitted the previous statement. I hate crying.
I know that I hate being alone.
I know that  I hate peace and quiet.
I know that I have a desire for deep relationships.
I know that I am bent towards searching for depth in all things, big and small.
I know that I find meaning in the silliest things.
I know that I can be dramatic sometimes.

I know a lot of what makes up me. But sometimes, I don't want to face it. But there is a need to understand it in order to grow and learn.

Today, I learned that I am a 4.

A 4?

Yes, a 4.

....Really? A 4?

....Oh....

....yeah.

...a 4....

....that's me.

The Ennenagram- one of those personality thing-y-ma-bobs. And I am am a 4 according to this mysterious thing. And it's right. So very.completely.right. Down to all of my little quirks, negative and positive.

Doesn't matter how, who, what we are. God loves us. God loves ME. . . A 4. He knows all of my ins and outs better than I ever will. He understands the (sometimes ridiculous) perspective by which I see this world.

What a struggle to understand! As I try so very hard to grasp His love, I worry about how I come across to people; Apparently, I look like a "four" right off the bat. Does it rub me the wrong way? It did at first, but since seeing my tendencies spelled out, written in words (which is the most effective way of teaching me...) it has helped me to understand where that puts me in dealing with life. It shows me where I lack and sell myself short spiritually and among relationships with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

It's interesting stuff, but the real lesson lies in my teachability. Remembering that I haven't got it all figured out it sort of pinnacle in growth, both emotionally and spiritually. I am thankful for those willing to do the very uncomfortable thing that I have been begging my brothers and sisters in Christ to do in my life- teach me. If that means calling me out, or opening up a door that leads to a conversation I would rather not have, go for it anyway. Besides, I asked for it.

So, FOUR the love of God....be there for your family. Even when it hurts you to take a risk and possibly hurt them, if it is for their own good, for their benefit and growth, take the risk. God can use anything for His glory. If we walk on egg shells around each other, egg shells bound to break regardless, what good does that do? Why not just dig a hole and wait for death to seize our bodies? (Please don't take that as a morbid statement, but understand that there is more to life than avoiding confrontation!) We're called to live our lives in unity- and as any member of a family knows, unity is pinnacle. Lack of unity is the equivalent of destruction within any body of people. We've got to have each other's backs even when the going gets tough- out of love.

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

(Ephesians 4:15-16 ESV)

Love in Christ,

Laura