The last year (and some change) has been interesting to say the very least. I will not go into detail, but I do believe that 2011 was collectively the hardest year of my life (with respect to events on the tail end of 2010 of course). It was definitely a "grow up fast" year for me. Some of it was self-inflicted pain resulting from mistakes; however, much of it consisted of attacks from the outside.
While 2011 was rough, there were some good times. (...right? Yes, check...Well, hmm. Let me get back to you on that one.)
Hello, life. Hello mistakes. Hello heartbreak. Hello trials. Hello growing pains. You got me. You finally had your chance, as if you hadn't already, to sink your claws deep into my flesh.
I was so hesitant to blog right off the bat on January first because it seemed like SO much was happening. But here I am. Ready to write about the little pieces of this one million pieced puzzle called, "Laura."
I am ready for a new year for sure.
In the midst of trials and suffering, mistakes and blatant rebellion toward the things of God, my mind always reverts back to Lamentations. I haven't really studied Lamentations out yet, so I am not really sure what is going on contextually speaking. I will admit to my great fear of taking His Word out of context, but praise the Lord for this bit of Scripture. I am sure it bears some great, eternal significance other than what my small eyes are seeing at the moment, but Lamentations has been a piece of Scripture that has pulled me through so many struggles. It blows my mind.
How lonely sits the city
that was full of people!
How like a widow has she become,
she who was great among the nations!
She who was a princess among the provinces
has become a slave.
She weeps bitterly in the night,
with tears on her cheeks;
among all her lovers
she has none to comfort her;
all her friends have dealt treacherously with her;
they have become her enemies.
(Lamentations 1:1-2 ESV)
I don't know about you but these first verses in the book of Lamentations aren't exactly encouraging, but they are, however, intriguing.
Jerusalem sinned grievously;
therefore she became filthy;
all who honored her despise her,
for they have seen her nakedness;
she herself groans
and turns her face away.
Her uncleanness was in her skirts;
she took no thought of her future;
therefore her fall is terrible;
she has no comforter.
“O LORD, behold my affliction,
for the enemy has triumphed!”
The enemy has stretched out his hands
over all her precious things;
for she has seen the nations
enter her sanctuary,
those whom you forbade
to enter your congregation.
(Lamentations 1:8-10 ESV)
This is hopeless! This is beyond anything human hands can fix...
“The LORD is in the right,
for I have rebelled against his word;
but hear, all you peoples,
and see my suffering;
my young women and my young men
have gone into captivity.
“I called to my lovers,
but they deceived me;
my priests and elders
perished in the city,
while they sought food
to revive their strength.
“Look, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my stomach churns;
my heart is wrung within me,
because I have been very rebellious.
In the street the sword bereaves;
in the house it is like death.
(Lamentations 1:18-20 ESV)
This is completely intense. But isn't it SO relateable?
Chapter two is just as intense and harsh. Two full chapters of despair due to separation from the Lord. Two full chapters of grief over great sins. Two full chapters of realization of God's holiness and our inept capabilities.
He has made my teeth grind on gravel,
and made me cower in ashes;
my soul is bereft of peace;
I have forgotten what happiness is;
so I say, “My endurance has perished;
so has my hope from the LORD.”
Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
the wormwood and the gall!
My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth.
(Lamentations 3:16-27 ESV)
Wow. Just wow.
I can't say much more to top that. I wouldn't dare to try. His Word is perfect Truth and if I have learned anything over the past couple of years it is this: No matter how far gone I feel, no matter how far away I may mistakenly think God is from me, His Word is perfect Truth and I have no reason to lose hope. No matter how gruesome the battle, no matter how many men lost, the victory is already won. These Words in Lamentations ignite the hope in my heart that sometimes goes dormant. When the arms of sin wrap around me ready to constrict the hope out of me, when darkness envelops me much like a blanket, He is there. And His mercies are new every morning.
simul justus et peccator
"simultaneously justified and sinful"
Love in Christ,
Laura
