Phone a friend, 50/50, Ask the Audience

I am human. My being is comprised of fifty percent regenerated spirit and fifty percent sinful flesh. I make stupid decisions that are centered on everything around me except the cross of Christ. I quickly fall into a mindset trapped by the lust of my own flesh. Everything that I am sets out to destroy me while everything inside of me screams no. My spirit does not like it in the least bit.

The classic battle of the Christian.

It's something I cannot get off of my mind lately. I am fairly certain my last post was about the very same thing- Romans 7, waging war.

I am frustrated. I had lots of ideas for my next post having gone to New York City this past weekend, Christmas on its way, and countless other seemingly significant happenings. However, this post will be one very down to earth, much like the others.

I made a mistake this past week (surprise!). There is no way to justify my decision or sugar up the situation, but long story short, I left a few people very disappointed. Now I find myself lying in the bed I made for myself, worried that I have hurt someone in a way greater than I even understand myself. While I deal with this recent "crisis," I also find myself at war with countless other situations- ones that will probably fight me as long as I wear this earth suit. But, I am an adult. These things do not simply get better over time- they only get bitter if left to simmer in their own juices.

Do you ever just wish that you could make something better? You approach the person you hurt with apologies, but they do not seem to be enough. You plead, you beg, you wallow and yet, nothing changes. This is real life. This is when you have to simply back off and wait- wait on the Lord. (Another something to add to the list of current ramblings in my brain.) They do not accept you, or maybe they do, but they need more time or need to work on themselves first. Either way, you are left on the end of the phone with nothing but a dial tone- no sign of remaining life.

That's where I am at the moment. Wondering, "Where is the grace?" A double-edged question for sure. Where was the grace in my decision to drop plans I had made? Sure, I could make my case for being worn down (my own fault of course because I do not know how to say "no" to people). I could bring into my case for innocence other problems in my life that might cause me a fight in carrying out commitment. Or expectations or gas or the economy or Joe Schmoe down the street or whatever! But, where is that grace in that? Where is the grace in a self-centered decision that effects others? Where is the grace in my desire to justify my actions? Where is the grace in my inability to see the hurt from another's point of view? Where is the grace in my lack of patience in allowing the ones I have hurt to come back to me? Where is the grace?

Now, I will tell you this- I am not going to air out my dirty laundry to you readers. The mistake I made was not fatal or made with the intention of hurting; however, it may prove fatal to a relationship between friends and it certainly left both parties hurting. A friendship I claimed to value yet did not prove its value in my own actions. How can I expect grace so freely given when I am slow to dish it out, also?

This whole conundrum is further solidifying for me what God has been teaching me lately: While I cannot attain the standard of perfection that is required by God (and lots of times, people), I AM covered in His sight by the grace that was bought with the blood of Christ. I cannot expect myself to handle perfectly every situation in life; however, I can use the tools He has given us (Scripture) to dictate my next steps (and sometimes damage control efforts). I cannot expect myself to be the perfect friend or prioritize perfectly or wait on the Lord perfectly or forgive perfectly, but I am called to put aside the old Laura- the things she wanted are no more of this new being God has so graciously transformed! I also need to learn to take my own advice.

"Life isn't always what we want it to be- we can't always please everybody. The real test is in how we deal with it"


Do I really believe all of this? Am I really letting this stuff penetrate my soul and dictate my actions?

Ultimately I have learned that we are always learning. We are always growing. It is only by God's grace that we have even that. And that same grace is what we are required also to give to others. The very nature of the word grace denotes an undeserving recipient. We didn't deserve grace from God, therefore, shouldn't we be ready to share it with others that much more?! Shouldn't we let that grace motivate our steps and fuel our devotion?

I pray that He helps me to daily put away the old Laura- pride and all- and let His work in me take full effect. I am thankful that He uses my mistakes to teach me a thing or two about life and I am happy to share it with you.

simul justus et peccator

"simultaneously justified and sinful"

Love in Christ,

Laura

See-through

I will be the first to tell you that I am not perfect; however, on the inside, there is a still, small voice that never leaves. It is the sound of me telling myself that perfection is the only option; nothing else is good enough.

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"                                                    Jeremiah 17:9

This is the struggle I face. The outcome is this: because I too quickly seek perfection before I seek God's will and direction, I stumble and fall. I refuse to get up and "do" at times because I know that I will not be perfect right off the bat. For example, I have a love/hate relationship with running (as most do). I hate the running part, but I love accomplishing goals and feeling healthy. However, because I do know how hard it is for me to build up the endurance to even run one mile without stopping, I choose to "do it later," or "wait," or simply ignore it and not do it all. Because I know that getting back out there will hurt my lungs, legs, and head, I refuse to do it. It takes effort to get better; I simply cannot go out and run a mile without first putting in the work for it. The desire for perfection stands in between me and my goals. Who I want to be in my head does not resonate well with the real me; They are two completely different people.

Similarly, my spiritual life can suffer because of this battle. If I don't pick up my Bible for a couple of days, those days can turn into weeks, and those weeks sometimes turn into months. I feel guilty, unworthy and the cycle ensues. It's a sad situation to have the truth and solutions laid out in front of you and simply refuse them. Oh flesh.

The misconception that Christians have it easy is not a Biblical idea in the least bit; Romans will literally smack that notion right out of your mind. The spirit-flesh war in the lives of Christians is addressed most ferociously by Paul, who admits to the struggle within himself. Verses like Romans 7:14-15, 8: 18-21, etc., show us that the struggle is ongoing and is only relieved by the assurance of our salvation found in a loving God. (Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Romans 8:35).
While the unsaved have this misinformed view of an easy life for Christians due to a couple of holy stones carved with rules, Christians do not make the matter any easier on one other. Among church congregations, people hold each other to a level of quiet perfection. Underneath the shallow portrayal of the Christian life within the church is a whispering among us. We watch each other, analyze and judge though Scripture warns against it (James 2). The bond of unity is slowly chipped away with a chisel named Gossip and a pick named Shame. I try to avoid cliches as much as possible and along with that, song lyric doctrine; however, Casting Crown's song Stained Glass Masquerade is a very accurate picture of the American church today. Everyone of us, whether saved or not carries with us hurts, pain, sin. The only difference is that Christians are called to cast their burdens on Christ, who is more than willing to take them. Why is it that we are petitioned to let go of these things that chain us within in our relationship with Christ, however, we hold on to them so tightly among the midst of fellow believers? This mentality is damaging and the effects of hiding ourselves, masking our sin and leading the life of a double-minded man has unfortunately lasting effects on the congregation, as well as individual relationships. This leads to a lack of relate-ability, discipleship, and the biggest loss- growth in the heart.

When will we break the bond of extreme views and simply be Biblical believers? When will the church come to grips with its depravity without being hyper-Calvinistic? Likewise, when will the church find joy in the redeeming love of Christ without being a smiley mega-church? When will we accept that we WILL miss the mark while also accepting Christ's love and rescuing for our souls. And no matter how well we accept this in our one-on-one relationships with Christ, if we do not accept it among each other, how will WE grow and how will we REACH others for Christ? Love cannot grow in isolation.

"The Christian life is to be growth, right? But your Christian life doesn't go on a line like this. You know how it goes? It goes up and down. How do I know that? Because that's how mine goes. You see, it's when you dip down that you start learning lessons that push you up again. Then you fail a little bit and God teaches you lessons through discipline or trial and up you go again. It goes like that."                                               J. MacArthur


We are going to struggle. We are going to fail. When Jesus died, he bore the complete wrath of God towards ALL sin. His work was a finished work. This means that your sins from the past, present, and the sins you have yet to commit are all completely covered and forgotten in the eyes of God. So this struggle we as Christians daily face is nothing to be ashamed of. It is something that we should be encouraging each other about, lifting one another up, offering godly council and discipleship. We are a fallen people- but we don't have to let that be our defeat because the victory is already one. Sin is a destroyer; Unity will rebuild. Don't hide from each other the very things that connect you as brothers and sisters in Christ.

simul justus et peccator

"simultaneously justified and sinful"

Love in Christ,

Laura